January 6, 2017
by Cynthia Gunnells
Once Upon a Time, Sassy Made Me So Happy
Way back before the internet existed; before blogs and all forms of social media; before we could Google an experience and find solidarity in thousands of similar stories, there was Jane Pratt’s Sassy magazine and its It Happened to Me (IHTM) column – heartfelt first-person essays written by readers with the courage to share their most personal and embarrassing stories.
In 1988 when Sassy was launched, I was a fresh-faced 16-year-old muddling through an awkward adolescence in suburban Detroit. I was bookish and different, and Sassy made me believe that existing outside of the box was okay. I loved reading about sex, drugs and rock ‘n roll, packaged honestly – and perfectly – for my teenaged curiosity. The magazine’s staff, Jane Pratt, Karen Catchpole, Christina Kelly, Catherine Gysin and Neil McCutcheon, were my idols. Each month when a new issue arrived, I’d hide away in the basement of my parent’s ranch house reading their stories, inhaling puffs of secondhand coolness and getting stoned on pop culture, art, music and beauty.
Reading Sassy taught me to write. The IHTM column was my favorite because it encouraged readers to become a part of the process by forming their own opinions, finding their voices and sharing their stories. Plus, it was voyeurism at its best: Her sister hooked up with her boyfriend? Gasp! His braces got stuck where!?
Sassy magazine and my vivid imagination were the only two things that made my teen years bearable. I kept every issue of Sassy (with notes in the margins) for over 20 years. When xoJane launched in 2011 and the IHTM column was resurrected, I went to dust them off only to realize my partner had thrown them out, which almost resulted in divorce. (Hey, maybe that’s a good IHTM topic!)
I quickly grew to love xoJane as much as I once adored Sassy. The site’s fearless writers were giving it their all. I was hooked on Cat Marnell and her addictions from day one. Mandy Stadtmiller is hilariously brilliant. s.e. smith is spot on and really, really smart. I rooted for Michelle Tea. Her stories made me ache and recall the most painful moments of my own pregnancy journey. I could go on and on, but in essence, xoJane – and the women who wrote for it – blew my mind. Seriously, Google them. You won’t be sorry.
But then something changed.
It Happened to Me: My IHTM Was Published and Triggered an Anxiety Attack
Nearly 25 years had passed since I read my first IHTM, and my geeky 16-year-old self had grown into a mom with a daughter of her own. I always wanted to submit an IHTM piece and I figured, if I wanted my kid to follow her dreams, challenge herself and take risks, I’d have to lead by example. So I sent in a few story pitches outlining the trials and tribulations of once-wild lesbian turned over-protective parent raising a way-too-smart daughter in the New York burbs. Imagine my surprise when I received an immediate response and actually had to pen one. But I did, and it was gratifying to put my story out into the universe in hopes that it would help someone else, much like the ones from Sassy helped me all those years ago.
I’ve been a writer for as long as I could write. My second-grade teacher told me I was good at telling stories and should put them on paper. The rest is history. Except as a career, I craft other people’s stories. It’s so much easier than putting your own truth out there for everyone to see.
When my IHTM went live on xoJane, I had a wicked anxiety attack. The IHTM experience had evolved since those Sassy days. Technology enabled instant viewer engagement and participation – and the ability for commenters to be unapologetically mean. For hours, I sat in the dark reading their words – both nice and nasty – and before long I was in a full-out sweat. When my partner asked if I was upset I said no, to which she replied, “then you have a thyroid issue or are having a heart attack, because you’re soaked.” (True love.)
The comments were unsettling and the process left me feeling vulnerable (albeit that’s the point), so I completely see where criticism to the site's model stems from. And perhaps the controversy was too freely encouraged and it changed the quality of the later work. I can see that too. There will always be differing opinions and, you know what? That’s ok. Because I still love xoJane.
While I enjoyed all of the articles on the site, the IHTM stories will forever be my favorite. Up until the end, the newer writers and different voices were still as mind-blowing as ever, except the stories grew more raw; the writers more risky. And that’s because of those who paved the way before them – and maybe even because of the comments.
I wasn’t the only one taking lessons at the school of Sassy. Jane Pratt’s vision and that magazine literally changed lives, and not just mine. Those IHTM stories – even the ones that morphed for xoJane – paved the way for generations of voices now and those still to come and, for that, I’ll be forever grateful. I’m waiting to see what Jane Pratt has up her fabulously-fashioned sleeve next, and will be first in line to read or contribute in any way I can wrangle. Either way, xoJane will always be Sassy to me.
At the start of the year, xoJane, the online publication by women, for women (and those who love them), and brainchild of Jane Pratt – editor extraordinaire – officially closed for business. While Pratt is currently shopping the site around and will no doubt live to turn another page, some are saying the demise of xoJane is a good thing. As a one-time contributor to the site, I understand that perspective but don't fully agree. Here are a few things I think most can agree on: Jane Pratt is a legend who formed spaces that gave first-time writers a chance to write, timid writers a chance to be brave and helped many writers find their way all together.
What comes into question is this: Did the commenters who relentlessly ridiculed the authors morph it from a safe, creative space into a train wreck that we couldn’t turn our eyes from? And were writers nudged to produce exploitation pieces that encouraged this behavior in an effort to boost readership? (And if so, isn't this the essence of media as it stands today?)
But I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s start at the beginning.