by Cynthia Gunnells

When It's Over, It's Over

December 19, 2017

As I prepare to close the door on 2017 and turn my gaze to a new year, I’m reluctant to say goodbye. Breaking up is never easy.

Overall, this trip around the sun has been a good one. My life is full of love. My family is healthy. I’m gainfully employed. I’m generally happy except when I’m restless. I appreciate so much. I continue to learn about myself, other people and the world. And while there have been obstacles to overcome, the perseverance I’ve witnessed this past year has been nothing short of inspiring.

But as with most fading love affairs, our days together are numbered. 2017 has been mysterious and my infatuation with her is wearing thin.

She wooed me with a charming sophistication - convincing me to reveal my emotions yet offering nothing but haziness in return. She invaded my thoughts and left me longing for possibilities dangled, all the while gaslighting me into believing they were never really on the table to begin with. And though I see through her beautiful façade, I can no longer meet her gaze without feeling frightened of myself. She brings only heartache, so I must let 2017 go. 

In her place, I'll tuck away these valuable lessons:

1. Our decisions and experiences may be influenced by others, but ultimately they are ours to own.
   
2. People come into our lives – and out of them – for a reason.
3. We are stronger than we know, and more vulnerable than we ever imagined.
   
4. Our feelings may surprise us, but our instincts are always solid.
   
5. Each day is a chance for a new adventure.
   

I am better for having known 2017. I will hold on to the memories and recall our time together with a sincere fondness.

But I'm ready for a new beginning.